Be Kind to Yourself, Parent: Co-Regulation, Confidence & Sleep Changes Backed by Science

As a parent, you’re constantly trying to do your best. And yet, so often, we feel the crushing weight of guilt for things that are not only okay-but necessary for our well-being and our children’s. If you’ve ever found yourself needing to step away for a moment while your baby cries in their cot, please know this: you are not a bad parent. You’re human. You’re learning. You’re doing what’s needed, and it’s okay.

One of the most important things I talk about with families is the idea of co-regulation—a concept that sometimes gets brushed off as “woo-woo” or “witchy,” but is actually grounded in solid science.

What is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation is the process by which children learn to manage their emotions through the calm, consistent presence of a regulated adult. Our nervous systems speak to each other-yes, literally. Through tone of voice, body language, breathing patterns, and heart rate, your baby takes cues from you about whether they are safe and how they should feel.

Think of it like this: when you’re calm and regulated, your child’s nervous system feels that, and it helps them calm down too. It’s not about being perfect or always getting it “right,” but it is about staying emotionally present, even when things feel hard.

Why Walking Away Can Sometimes Be the Kindest Thing

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, or triggered-your baby feels it too. And that’s why stepping away safely, even for a moment, can be the kindest choice for both of you. If your baby is in a safe sleep space, like their cot, it is completely okay to put them down and take a few minutes to regulate yourself.

Deep breaths. Splash some water on your face. Whisper some kind words to yourself. Call a friend or just sit in quiet. This isn’t abandonment—it’s self-regulation, which is a foundational step toward co-regulation.

Confidence & Conviction in Sleep Changes

When it comes to making sleep changes-whether that’s transitioning from contact naps to cot naps, or introducing a consistent bedtime routine- how you feel matters. Babies are incredibly perceptive. They don’t just respond to what we do; they respond to how we feel when we do it.

That’s why, before any sleep shift, I encourage families to check in with themselves:

• Am I ready for this change?

• Do I understand why I’m making it?

• Do I feel calm and capable in my approach?

When you feel confident and regulated, your baby will sense that. And this isn’t wishful thinking- this is neuroscience. Research shows that a parent’s emotional state during times of stress (including crying or sleep challenges) directly influences the baby’s stress response and ability to recover.

A Final Word: You’re Not Alone

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, only a present one. Be kind to yourself when you’re tired, frustrated, or doubting. Parenting is relentless- but you don’t have to carry it alone. Sleep can improve. Confidence can grow. And your bond with your baby can deepen through all of it.

If you’re ready to make sleep changes, let’s do it with calm, clarity, and compassion- for you and your little one.