The Hidden Power of the Vagus Nerve: Why Tongue Posture, Not Tears, Is the Key to Self-Soothing

When we think of calming down, we might imagine taking deep breaths, stretching out for a yoga session, or sipping herbal tea. But what if one of the most powerful calming tools lies quietly in our own mouths?

Meet the vagus nerve, a vital part of our parasympathetic nervous system and the true master of rest, digestion and relaxation. It connects the brain to the body, running from the brainstem all the way down to the gut, influencing the heart, lungs and digestive system. In essence, it is our body’s natural brake pedal, the one that helps us move out of "fight or flight" and into "rest and restore".

How the Tongue Activates the Vagus Nerve

Here is the fascinating part. You can stimulate your vagus nerve by simply placing your tongue on the roof of your mouth — gently suctioned against the hard palate just behind your front teeth. This action naturally encourages nasal breathing, aligns the jaw and subtly signals the body to downshift into a state of calm. It is a position found in ancient breathwork and meditation practices for good reason — it works.

When the tongue is held in this position, it activates cranial nerves connected to the vagus nerve. This light stimulation helps release calming neurotransmitters, slows the heart rate, reduces stress hormones and even improves digestion and sleep. It is a simple but powerful act of self-regulation.

Why This Is How We Should Be Falling Asleep

Falling asleep in this calm, vagus-nerve-stimulated state is how our nervous system is meant to wind down. With the tongue in the correct posture and breath flowing gently through the nose, the brain receives signals of safety. The body eases into restfulness, not through exhaustion or isolation, but through genuine nervous system calm.

And this isn’t a new discovery — it is instinctual. Babies are born knowing how to self-soothe this way.

Babies, Bottles, Breasts and Dummies: It’s Not Just About Feeding

Have you ever wondered why babies suck even when they are not hungry? Why they use dummies or comfort feed at the breast?

It is not just for food. It is for soothing. The sucking motion places the tongue on the roof of the mouth in precisely the position that stimulates the vagus nerve. It is their built-in system for calming themselves. This is real self-soothing.

Unfortunately, in modern parenting, we often confuse "self-soothing" with sleep training methods that encourage babies to cry alone until they fall asleep. But crying alone is not self-soothing — it is survival-mode shut-down. True self-soothing comes from learning how to regulate the nervous system, and for babies, that starts with using the tongue to stimulate the vagus nerve.

Supporting the Skill for Life

As caregivers, it is vital we support our children in developing this internal skill, not just rely on external aids like dummies or bottles long-term. While these tools serve an important transitional purpose, our goal should be to gently guide our children towards mastering their own nervous system regulation — by teaching and allowing them to use their tongues, breath and body to find calm.

This is the foundation of emotional resilience. This is what creates peaceful bedtimes, not just in infancy, but for life.

In Summary

The vagus nerve holds the key to real rest. We access it through proper tongue posture and breath, starting in infancy and continuing throughout life. This is why babies suck, not just for milk but for soothing. By honouring this, we teach our children a powerful, lifelong skill.

So tonight, as you or your child prepare for sleep, try it: tongue gently suctioned to the roof of your mouth, nasal breathing, calm body.

This is not just falling asleep.

This is nervous system mastery.

Within my sleep consultations, we explore how to support your baby to rest with their tongue on the roof of their mouth — learning to fall asleep without the bottle, dummy or breast. This is a skill developed at your baby’s pace, with no tears, fully responsive and rooted in connection. It is a calming technique for now, and a self-regulation skill for life.